reflections on chaos

The defining factor of my life as of late is living in the present because the future is so completely unknown.  This way of life is counter North American culture, and I think a lot of my US friends would feel very uncomfortable with the unpredictable, day to day mentality of living.  Sometimes I hate it.  When I spend time and energy to plan a seminar, and no one comes because of a rainstorm I get frustrated.  I understand why – lightning storms here are more frequent and deadly than anywhere in the world – so I stay home too – but it messes up my plans.  I guess it’s about control.  In the States, I more or less had control over many day to day circumstances – what time I got up, what food I ate, what I wore, how I got to work, and where I spent my free time.  I have some control over these decisions here in Congo, but it is much more restricted.  I get up when I hear the kids talking and playing right outside my door at 5:45am.  I eat what’s available – that’s generally greens, beans, rice and fruit. I am trying to wear pants to break the norm, but the reality is that it is more socially acceptable for me to wear long skirts.  Sometimes it gets old.  I walk or take a motorcycle on roads ruined by erosion to wherever I need to be, if the roads are passable that day.  My choices for free time are pretty limited - I went to a restaurant the other night that had only roasted goat meat on the menu.  Actually, there wasn’t a menu either, you just have to ask for what you want.  And that’s the only restaurant in town. 

Even my job seems to be constantly changing.  I start projects, something else more urgent comes up, and the entire department shifts their focus.  Planning ahead doesn’t happen naturally and I am consistently preaching the importance of gantt charts and timelines, yet often to no avail.  I am learning day by day to find calm within the chaos, and to truly understand how life works here.

I realize too, that I’m describing chaos how I define it.  My Congolese friends would probably be overwhelmed at the fast pace of life in the States, the cutthroat corporate environment, the high value of perfectionism at almost any cost.  That could be the epitomy of chaos for many of the people I know from the Global South.  It’s about perspective.  Everyday I have to remind myself to look through another pair of lenses to gain insight on a different point of view.

 And, I hope, I am becoming better for it.